Being True To Myself

I previously wrote about being true to myself a while back but when my blog crashed I lost a lot of my work. 

In my previous post I talked about being true to myself and not conforming to the social standards of what and who a lady should be after someone made a comment that I couldn’t be an artistic nude model and inspire people at the same time. 

For a very long time, I struggled with that comment because it wasn’t the first time someone said it to me. When I first started out modeling I even created separate social media pages, designed different business cards and split myself because I wanted to help my community but also did what I loved. 

Modeling was my art and helping people was my passion. So, why did I need to choose or hide parts of myself?  

I had to shut the outside world out and started listening to myself because if you let society choose who you should be you’ll never be happy. 

I was recently asked a series of questions regarding my view on relationships and my sexual freedom that prompted me to rewrite and add to my previous post about being true to myself. 

At a young age, I've been called many things. I was told I had a jezebel and rebellious spirit because I went against things I didn’t believe in and would voice my opinions on such. Especially when it came to my sexuality and views on relationships.  

I never wanted to be monogamous and this was something I knew this very early on. Of course, back then I never knew the different terminologies but I knew having a husband for the rest of my life wasn’t for me. I also knew I was attracted to the same sex but growing up this wasn’t normal and it was the biggest taboo/sin especially amonst church people and I grew up in the church. 

What was even more of a taboo was a woman being more sexual, aggressive and more dominant than a man. 

For a very long time I suppressed myself. I suppressed what I felt and believed in because I never wanted to be judged, especially within the black community.  But I soon realized how many people, especially women, felt this way. Because of society and what’s deemed normal most people either conform and aren't happy, live a secret life, or slip themselves just as I was doing. 

This wasn’t the life I wanted to live. I saw how miserable many were and how suppressing one's self can leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled. 

I was 23 years old when I made this decision. Even though I knew who I was at a young age, I didn't accept myself because of what society expected of me. I had to let go of the expectations of others and their perceptions of who I was or should be. 

Being true to oneself is about knowing exactly who you are and accepting who you are, not just behind closed doors but openly. 

I stopped hiding behind the masks of others' reality and started living my own. I owned everything about myself. My sexuality, my aggressiveness, my dominance and my strong will.