Letting Go, Healing, and Moving Forward

I recently had a conversation with someone who suggested that I shouldn’t let the feelings I have keep me in the past. That conversation made me want to repost Day 9 of my 31 Days of Self-Love blog series: “You Are Not Your Past.”

I don’t think I’m reliving the past. I think revisiting a crucial time in my life—especially during this grief I’m feeling, which is so similar to what I experienced in 2018—is not the same as staying stuck in the past. Revisiting some of these moments has actually been healing for me.

Reflecting, reposting, and sharing my thoughts isn’t me living in the past—it’s me processing and moving forward.

Here’s the original post: You are not your past 2018

You Are Not Your Past

Stop living in the past.

It will cripple you.

Of course, it’s natural for us to question ourselves and the decisions we’ve made in our lives, but should’ve, could’ve, would’ve isn’t going to fix the past or the choices we made.

Looking back, I used to wonder where my life was going. I regretted many things, and I resented many people. I even resented myself. Life was passing me by while I was living in the past. Instead of accepting my past, I hated everything about it.

I was stuck—I couldn’t move on.

My past was the enemy.

I thought because of my past, I was unlovable, broken, and unwanted. But I had to come to the realization that I am who I am today because I choose to be this way—not because my past made me this way.

I define myself. ME, TRUDEAN HAYE defines my life.

Hate is easy. Fear is crippling. And learning to love yourself is not always an easy process. It took me a while to get to this place in my life because one of the scariest things to realize about yourself is that you have the ability to move forward but choose not to.

The moment we choose to let go and accept our past, we let go of fear and hatred. And in that moment, we regain control over ourselves. We no longer give others—or our past mistakes and choices—power over us.

YOU hold the key to your happiness.

Our past does not define us, so don’t let yours define you.

Yes, mistakes were made, but lessons were also learned.

Stop being a slave to your past and start being the author of your future.

You are not the choices you’ve made.

You are not the child you once were.

You are not your failed marriage.

You are not the setbacks of yesterday.

You are not the bad things that have happened to you.

“When one door closes, another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

Update 2024:
Revisiting this post reminded me of how far I’ve come. I don’t think reflecting on my past is about staying stuck—I think it’s about understanding it, healing from it, and growing through it.

I’m still learning to navigate this grief, and it hasn’t been easy. But I know that my past doesn’t define me, and neither does this loss. Like I wrote before, we have the power to move forward when we choose to.

This process of reflecting, letting go, and sharing my journey has been incredibly healing, and I hope it reminds you that you are not your past either.