Breastfeeding.
Before having Phoenix, I had this brilliant picture in my head about how my pregnancy would be and how amazing it would be breastfeeding my baby after birth.
But clearly I was mistaken.
As a doula and childcare worker, I know the importance of breastfeeding and all the benefits breast milk provides. However, I wish more people would talk about the dark side of breastfeeding.
When I had Phoenix, we didn’t have any problem latching nor did I have a problem producing milk. I’ve heard stories from so many of my close friends who struggled with getting their baby to latch and producing breast milk. Something many people don’t shed light on. How stressful that situation can be, and how it affects moms.
I was able to breastfeed Phoenix until he was 14 months old. Our breastfeeding journey has come to an end.
However, I’m going to be extremely honest with you guys. I loved being able to breastfeed Phoenix past 1
years old. But I was ecstatic to be completely done. Even though I let Phoenix wean himself, I was so thrilled because the dark side of breastfeeding that no one really talks about is that breastfeeding is a whole job in itself.
There were days I would cry because I was so tired from pumping, or my milk supply was extremely low due to my menstrual cycle. All the different vitamins I took, making sure I ate properly, drinking over two gallons of water or more each day.
I hated my body because my weight would fluctuate.
I’ve always heard the term “don’t cry over spilled milk” well, whomever came up with that phrase obviously never breastfed before.
One night I was preparing a bottle for Phoenix, and I was barely producing milk that day due to being stressed and my cycle, which gave me more stressed because he needs milk. I pumped for 2 hours and only got 1oz of milk. I was so frustrated, but luckily I had a 4oz bag in the freezer… as I was preparing his night bottle, he knocked the milk out of my hands and it spilled all over the floor. I was only able to save 2 oz of milk. I cried the entire night.
I felt like a failure. I felt as though my baby was going to starve, and I failed him as a mother.
These are the struggles every mom who wants to breastfeed, attempt to breastfeed or is breastfeeding face, but doesn’t often talk about publicly.
Breastfeeding is great, but it’s hard work. It’s pumping every 2-3hrs. Having swollen boobs. Clogged milk ducts. Being too tired to take a shower after pumping. Hating your body, but loving it for all the amazing things it has done.
It’s mental draining and rewarding at the same time.
What are some dark sides of breastfeeding you’ve experienced? How did you handle it? How long do you plan to breastfeed until?
