Photo Taken by: Rachel Wisniewski for her project Memento
Three years ago, my photojournalist friend Rachel Wisniewski asked me to participate in her project surrounding “Me Too”
At that time the ‘Me Too” movement, which is a social movement against sexual abuse and sexual harassment where people publicize allegations of sex crimes, went viral In 2017. The #metoo hashtag woke up the world to the magnitude of the problem of sexual violence.
Many women began sharing their stories using the #metoo hashtag, letting women and young girls around the world know they were not alone.
Rachel’s project Memento is a diptych portrait series on the #MeToo movement. “The first image within each diptych is a current portrait of a survivor, and the second image is of the survivor holding a photograph of themselves at the age when they can first remember being harassed or assaulted.”
Because of my own story and being an advocate for young girls who are survivors of sexual abuse, I knew this was something I wanted to be a part of.
Sexual abuse in the black community for generation is somewhat of a “taboo” to talk about. Everyone knows there’s a rapist within the family, but somehow they are more protected than the victims. Even in the churches, whether it be the pastor, minister or a member of the church. Somehow, it’s wrong to call them out. We’re taught to not bring shame on our families and to be silent.
The stigmas surrounded sexual abuse within the black community growing up are reasons why many women like myself never spoke about it.
We’re shamed. No one believes us and if they do, we’re taught it either our fault or somehow it’s a disgrace to talk about it.
Generational.
My mum and my grandmother were both victims of sexual violence. I’ve listened to my mum share her story numerous times and it never gets any easier listening to her pain.
Her story is also untold. Like many women in her generation as well as my grandmothers.
I was around 11 years old when it happened, something no little girl should have to experience. And again when I was 19 years old by someone I trusted.
A family member.
My boss.
Growing up, I thought sexual abuse was limited to rape and it was a crime only strangers, people you do not know committed. I was never educated on the fact that family members were predators too. Or that if your older cousin started touching you on your breast and keeps claiming it was by accident, that was a sign to tell someone what was going on.
This is why I advocate strongly on the importance of having a realistic approach to sex education and for parents to learn the importance of having an open dialogue with their children surrounding sex and inappropriate behavior among family members, friends and people they trust.
I’ve heard so many stories from women and young girls and most of the time they're all the same.
“It was a family member”
“I was told to not talk about it because they could get in trouble”
“It was someone I trusted”
“No one believed me”
When the #MeToo Movement went viral, It helped shed some light on the “taboo” of talking about sexual abuse within the black community.
It's something we all should talk more about. Let's break the cycle.
You’re not alone.
If you are someone you know need help, visit The Me Too Movement Hotline & Chat dictionary of national hotlines that was carefully curated to help get you closer to your immediate needs. Organized by issue area and community focus, these listings are a growing resource that we hope to expand and improve with your input and feedback.
13 Comments
😳😳😳 not too mant people speak on such topic. Be careful.
This is a conversation that needs to happen more often
Definitely.
Back in the day, they definitely protected all the rapist and abusers especially if they were church people. Such a shame.
It is such a shame. I often wonder how my grandmother’s generation feels talking about topics like these.
Especially the church folk. They are the worst. That’s why I left and never went back. The pastors son raped me and when i told my mom she said I would shame the church. They made me sit in the back of the church like someone scornful. I will never forget that. I was 16 years old.
So sorry you went through that. I’ve heard so many stories about mother’s not being a protector and it makes me wonder why? Therapy definitely helps if you haven’t been.
Hi Trudean, thank you for sharing. So sorry you experienced that as a child and in general. I can definitely attest that it is a taboo within the black community. Too many are protected. A generational cycle
Hi Debra, thank you. I do think that things are starting to change and hopefully as we progress we can help those who’ve also been victims.
This is so true. My unlce in law sexually zabused me when I was 15 years old. I told my mom and they kept it a secret. I ended up pregnant as a result and was forced to have an abortion. No one protected me, but they protected him. Till this day, i still dont talk to my family.
#metoo
So many mental issue surrounding the black community that needs to be talked about. My stepfather was my abuser, i was pregnant and my mom raised the baby as her own. The mental damaged i suffered as a teen having to live in the same house and pretend my baby was my brother. But some arent ready for this conversation.
wow.
Monique, your story is one I’ve heard so many times especially being from the island. I can’t begin to imagine the mental and emotional toll that must’ve been for you growing up. For you and your child. I would love to hear more about your story. Please feel free to email me privately. Thank you for sharing.
So heartbroken. I pray you’ve found healing or on the path. So sorry you went through that Tara.