It Takes A Village

As you read previously in my last post “Being Out Of A Job” I was unexpectedly let go in December 2019. 

All the plans I had were taking a detour and financially I had to cut back. Which meant my birth plans changed as well. 

Hiring a doula was something I was very adamant about. But, due to the fact that I no longer had “secure” money, the funds I had to hire a doula was placed into our savings for just in case purposes. 

I was distraught at the thought of not having a doula. 

Having a doula was an absolute must have for me. But, if you’re like me, asking for help doesn't come easily and I felt overwhelmed 

My partner insisted that I should’ve still hired a doula but I had to be realistic and logical. The best option was to place the money into our saving because LIFE HAPPENS. 

I pushed the thought of having a doula out of my mind and tried to remain positive. I had a scheduled doctor's appointment with my midwife, and we began talking about the changes that were occurring in my life. 

As we sat there, she asked what I needed help with. I was taken aback by her question because, for me, I’ve never had a "good" experience with doctors or even had one that showed genuine care about my well-being  emotionally and mentally.

This was something we talked about early on when I switched my primary care. I expressed my distrust of hospitals and doctors especially since I am a woman of color. 

As we sat and talked, I started to realize I never fully expressed how heartbroken I was. This was my first successful pregnancy and I felt like everything was against me. 

Physically,  my  pregnancy journey was wonderful, but on the other side I felt as though everything that could go wrong was going wrong. 

Why should I have to give up my doula?

Why should I have to give up my baby-moon trip? 

Why does it feel like I'm always making sacrifices?

I started crying asking her all these questions. Even though I knew the answers I was still sad. And you know what, it’s okay to feel sad when things change. 

As she handed me some tissues to clean my face she looked at me smiling and asked if I felt better. And I did. 

Then she asked “What’s the name of your non-profit organization?” 

I said “ It Takes A Village” 

She held my hands and said “and that’s exactly why I am here, because you have a village here to help you as well” 

At that moment, I thought she meant I could cry about how I felt, but she did so much more. 

I was paired with a counselor that provided me with information about having doula care, obtaining items if I needed them as well as different group therapy sessions. 

A  weight was lifted. I’ve gotten so used to being there for myself, never asking for help or letting anyone know about my stumbling blocks that I forgot that I am not alone. 

Even if someone can’t help you themselves, they may know someone who can.  But, in order for us to receive the help we need we have to stop blocking our own path. 

Trust isn’t always easy. Especially when you're guarded. 

My midwife created an atmosphere where I was able to let my guard down and confide in her. That’s so important especially in the healthcare field. Being pregnant with Phoenix I felt like my voice wasn’t being heard hence the reasons why I switched physicians. 

I was in a state of disarray. I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone because they didn’t understand but the atmosphere my midwife created reminded me that my village wasn’t just the people I was around. 

My village extended to her as well. Because of that, I was able to find my amazing doula Michelle.